This is not the column I planned to write, the one for which I interviewed legislators this week.

This is not the column I wanted to write. But it is the column I must write.

It is a plea. No matter how much we dislike the current U.S. president or the incoming president, please — please! — do not demonize either him or his followers.

No matter how much we disdain Oregon’s Democratic leaders or the Republicans who oppose their policies, please forgo the inflammatory rhetoric.

We might save a life.

The New Year’s headlines told us of the unthinkable ideological violence perpetrated in New Orleans and Las Vegas. What headlines rarely show is the hopelessness and despair felt by untold numbers of other Americans in our deeply polarized society.

One of them was an Oregonian who died by suicide this week — who, among other things, had lost hope over the condition of our country.

How to get help

How to get help

If you or someone you know is at risk of harming themselves, call or text 988. In an emergency, immediately call 911. Don’t hesitate to seek help.

I do not know, nor will I speculate, how much that influenced his decision to take his life. As a survivor of a suicide attempt in adolescence, I know that pain felt internally can be invisible to those around us. Yet as someone deeply influenced by Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning,” I’ve come to learn that all is not lost. Life can become bearable.

That is why I’m writing this column.

None of us fully knows what the other person is dealing with. Yet few of us seem to recognize the effect that our venomous words and spiteful memes might have on others. Or maybe we just don’t care. We find ways to justify our reprehensible rhetoric. We take comfort in others’ suffering.

How did we let ourselves go so far astray? Have we substituted “All’s fair in love and war” for the Golden Rule, which has existed in various forms since antiquity: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”?

In our homes, our schools, our religious institutions and elsewhere, we are taught to treat one another with respect. We are encouraged, in what has almost become a cliché, to “disagree without being disagreeable.” Those of us of the Christian faith are instructed, regardless of the circumstances, to follow Jesus’ teaching: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

Yet we feel justified in denigrating not just the other person’s view but the person themselves.

We want civics taught in our schools but fail to act civilly. We have gone from criticizing an idea as idiotic to branding its adherents as idiots.

Think back to the negative ads that many Oregon candidates deployed in the 2024 elections and which voters embraced. The campaigns’ desire to win outwitted common decency. Is this how politicians and the public will act as the 2025 Legislature begins its work on Jan. 21?

Oregon’s political and social divides are not new, but they are wider and deeper.

Yet Oregon also has been known as a political trendsetter in positive ways. I challenge us to become the state where politicians and constituents alike have learned to fully listen to each other. To put civil discourse above personal and political gain. To demonstrate kindness toward all, regardless of politics or personal situation.

And yes, to disagree without being so disagreeable.

I fear that’s too much to ask. I fear people will dismiss my words as Pollyannish.

Please prove me wrong.