I moved home to Cove a lucky 13 years ago — something no one expected I would do.

Here, I found the nascent beginnings of new businesses, a music scene, the Eastern Oregon Film Festival, the Elgin Opera House community theater and many other small quality-of-life amenities. These things gave me hope that the community was budding and growing and lively. It felt as if in my absences, someone had been gradually setting the table for my return.

I arrived ready to volunteer, contribute, change things, shake things up and make the place I came from better than I left it. I tried out many community groups and had one of two experiences: 1. “We’re tired. Why don’t you take over this group?” or 2. “Don’t suggest anything new. This is how we’ve always done things and always will.”

When I came home, I found that the table was slowly being set, but I still wasn’t really welcome at the table. My energy and ideas were (and are) often met with what feels like the unofficial motto of eastern Oregon — “that will never work.”

I have spent the last 13 years building my own community, connections, and groups from the ground up. I am trying to make sure the new, young, and returning people have somewhere to land and plug in.

In order to ensure thriving small towns, we small town people need to update how we interact with new and returning people. We need to set the table for their success and join them at the table.

First: Update our thinking

New people are assets. Whether a retiree, a young family, or anyone in between, new and returning people are assets to our community. They bring a new source of energy, ideas, skills and tax dollars.

Of course, there can be conflicts, but too often people new to a community are ignored or underutilized as sources of volunteerism, expertise, leadership or friendship. When we approach people with suspicion — or worse, don’t approach them at all — we miss out on the full potential and the latent human resources of our community.

Slow down on the “Where are you from?”

When we meet new people in our community, the first question should not be, “where are you from?” I’m as curious as the next person and often think, “but how in the heck did you get here?” I just don’t think it is polite, important or useful to start in this way.

“Where are you from?” is a conscious or unconscious rural power move meant to establish someone as an outsider. It is not a great way to set the table for new people to feel welcome, excited or engaged in your town — especially if you’re complaining about a lack of civic involvement or care.

Every conversation we start with new or returning people to our community must start with, “Welcome to our town! I’m so glad you’re here. Tell me about yourself.”

Welcoming traditions

We need to create traditions where we welcome new people into the community. New and returning people are assets, so let’s treat them that way. In my small town of Cove, we are hosting a community game night to welcome new people and connect them after two years of COVID isolation.

Towns could create “welcome kits” for new folks with info on the area, opportunities for civic involvement, local tips and social events. And of course, inviting new folks to your barbecue, or taking over a plate of cookies and giving them your phone number goes a long way.

Foster a “yes, and” attitude

Those “in charge” — whether an elected official, a club president, a boss or coworker — should approach new ideas not with the default, immediate “no,” but a thoughtful and measured “yes, and.” Not every new idea is better or workable, but we must start considering what people offer in good faith.

The fastest way to scare someone away from the booster club, the school board or a team at work is to shut down their ideas and energy. Instead, we need to riff on new ideas, suss out opportunities and challenges, and figure out how something might work instead of assuming “that will never work.”

Think about 3 generations

If I had one message for the “people in charge” in my community it is this: what you wanted and needed at my age, 37, is not necessarily what I want. What I want and need from my community will be different from those younger than me and much older than me.

Decision makers should, must, and often do not consider the multigenerational nature of communities. At any time, at least three generations live in our community and have different wants and needs.

It doesn’t serve millennials when local elected officials focus all their effort on propping up 20th century jobs in shrinking industries rather than figuring out how retool or update those industries and get us some 21st century broadband.

Be responsive and consider alternatives

Recently, my county commissioners pushed forward a controversial logging operation in our county recreation area. The logging will tear up trails that volunteers have built over years, and folks are particularly upset about the potential loss of a family biking area.

The county promises to rebuild the trails, but they miss the point. When the efforts of community members are erased, it makes us less likely to want to engage or volunteer in the future. It makes us less likely to trust decision makers because they don’t see our efforts or understand the value of the amenities that draw us home.

Leave room for change

Updates, adjustments and changes to how we do things and who lives in our community are inevitable and often needed whether we know it or not.

Over-developing, gentrifying, or making rural places inhospitable to current residents is not acceptable. Let’s decide the direction of change and how we can make where we live more vibrant, more enjoyable, and more livable for more of the community.

Let’s stop wasting time saying what we don’t want and start deciding what we do want. The opposite of change is not the status quo — it is just more change.

What we want

I’ve talked to college classes, local entrepreneurs, people new to town and people who have returned. The folks who are returning to my rural community despite what they are giving up living elsewhere. We are moving home or choosing rural homes primarily for the landscape and the connection to other people that comes with a smaller place.

What we want is affordable, quality housing, a high quality of life, deep community connections and support, good schools, and 21st century job opportunities.

For young people to stay or return we need to foster small business and attract 21st century jobs and opportunities. For many of us in rural Oregon, making a living means running our own businesses and taking many seasonal jobs. I mean, my side hustles have side hustles. I’m clearly committed to where I live, I’ve strived to make it work. My community seemed to want me back, but I don’t think it had set the table for my return.

And after folks are done making a living for the day, they want access to amenities.

College kids at Eastern Oregon University in La Grande have told me amenities such as the farmers market, local hiking and the dog park help them meet people. New residents to my county say they want high-quality schools, opportunities for kids and better internet.

Everyone says they want friendly neighbors and the opportunity to have an impact in their community. These values and wants aren’t silly — they are the glue that binds a community and make it stronger.

When we set the table, we do so for ourselves and those joining us. We are inviting people in. I believe we need to take up the task of setting the table if we are serious about the future of rural places and small communities.

Nella Mae Parks is a farmer and freelance writer from Cove, Ore.